I'm a transgender man, and this is my story.
Transitioning was an act of courage.
Hey! I'm Noah, and I'm here to help you fall in love with movement and turn your body into a home for your soul.
I specialize in kinesiology (how physical activity impacts health, society, and quality of life), exercise science, mindset building, and top surgery recovery. As a transgender man, I have a deep understanding of what it is like to despise your own body and fear the gym environment.
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I started coming to terms with my gender identity in 2017. It wasn’t a magical, epiphanic “aha!” moment. Actually, it was a much slower process.
I somehow always knew I was trans, but also somehow didn’t really know…
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You see, I was a tomboy for the first half of my life.
All throughout elementary school, I had my hair short, I wore “boy” clothes, and I hung out with the guys. I even remember having crushes on girls at school, wishing I were born a boy so that I was allowed to like them.
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Then came high school. I followed the norm, without even thinking. I became a “girly” girl, like all the other girls at school.
My hair was long, I wore “girl” clothes, and I talked about having crushes on guys. In fact, I even dated guys. I convinced myself, without even trying, that this was me.
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Don’t get me wrong though, I had a great time in high school. I played sports, I had good friends, and my grades were decent. Minus English class.
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Everything that happened after this point is a little more complex to explain… because tons of things happened. I figured the easiest and clearest way I can explain the rest of my story is by labeling the years that followed:
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2012 - Bisexual
I was 16 years old when I learned about the concept of sexuality. I joined an all-girls ultimate frisbee team – my first exposure to anything other than straight. There were a couple of bisexual girls on the team. The term bisexual resonated with me. I thought, “oh, maybe this is it”. So, I adopted a bisexual identity for a year. I also dated a girl on the team. Nice.
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2013 - Lesbian
I learned about what being a lesbian meant. What being gay meant. I thought, “oh, this is more accurate than bisexual. I’m not actually attracted to guys. I must be gay”. I adopted a lesbian identity for the next four years. At this point, I still didn’t know that “transgender” existed.
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2014 - Gender Dysphoria
I had a short 2-3 month episode while dating my girlfriend at the time: I suddenly felt this extreme discomfort during sex. I didn’t want to look at my body. I didn’t want to be touched. I didn’t feel good naked. I had no idea why. I talked about it with her. She didn’t understand either. Looking back in hindsight, this was my first experience of gender dysphoria. I didn’t know it at the time. I didn’t even know the word “transgender”. How could I know about gender dysphoria?
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I somehow got over it. I’m not sure how, it’s a bit of a blur to be honest. Things returned to normal… ish. I still thought I was gay. A lesbian. I started to dress more masculine. Goodbye dresses, hello dress shirts.
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2017 - I’m a dude?
College (3rd year). New girlfriend. Short hair. Dude clothes. I was rockin’ it. Then.. my girlfriend started making the comment “you’re such a guy”, whenever I did things that were stereotypically male. It felt good every time she said it. I talked to her about it.
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I asked, “do you really think I’m like a guy?”
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“Yeah, you’re just like a guy”, she responded.
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“I feel like a guy actually”.
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“I know you do”, she said.
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The realization began….
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At this point in the story, I knew the term transgender. And the fact that I can’t even remember when I first learned the word, underscores the true absence of an “aha!” moment.
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The funny thing is, my girlfriend knew before I did.
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I didn’t accept my identity right away. I refused. I knew that acknowledging my trans identity would simultaneously unearth all of the extreme insecurities and the gender dysphoria that I buried deep into my subconscious for years.
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I didn’t know if I could handle it.
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Plus, I had to come out again. For the 3rd time. First, bisexual, then gay, and now.. Trans and straight?
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Terrifying.
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And then what.. Then I transition? How? Is it safe? Will I die early because of it? Does it cost money?
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Will I lose my family?
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With so many barriers and challenges ahead of me, I still decided to transition.
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Transitioning was a courageous and brave decision. I risked all of the uncertainties, to be able to live life as my true and authentic self.
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I chose to love myself first.
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In 2017, I changed my name and pronouns.
In 2018, I started testosterone.
In 2019, I got top surgery.
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Here is where people normally say “I haven’t looked back since”.
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Well, I do. I look back all the time.
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I am proud of how far I’ve come. I fought to be here.
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I asserted my masculinity and my gender identity to this world.
I commanded respect by exuding confidence.
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It wasn’t easy.
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At the beginning, my manhood was fragile.
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I wasn’t passing. I teetered the fine line between man and woman. Society was confused.
I was stared at in the women’s washroom. I was stared at in the men’s washroom.
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Time passed.
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The effects of testosterone became more visible.
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I matured with age and experience.
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And I developed self-security, with dedicated effort.
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I meditated. I worked out. I read books. I listened to podcasts. I reflected often. I journalled. I sought feedback from others.
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I grew into the man that I am today.
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A man who is confident, proud, assertive, bold, loyal.
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I hold myself to the highest level of integrity possible.
I take care of my loved ones. I protect my loved ones.
And I make a difference in the world, by helping one person at a time.
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I am here to serve others.
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I am here to help trans guys through their transition journey, using my expertise in exercise science, mindset building, and kinesiology.